even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
