As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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