ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
