Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
