my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
