the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
