even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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