you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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