New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
