I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize