looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
