I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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