My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
