I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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