I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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