He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
