just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
