Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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