Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
