After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
