I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
