we're making bets on your personal life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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