If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
