ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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