your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
