dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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