I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
