is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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