hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
