Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
