so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
