You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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