wrigley field is MILF paradise
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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