i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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