My hand turned me down
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
