The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
