I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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