Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A bitchslap is in order.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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