chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
sex in a hospital.. check
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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