I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My legs feel like baby dolphins
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
