in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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