I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
