You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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