im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
