Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
