she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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