He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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