If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
