I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
