I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize