I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
