Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
