Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
