well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
