Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
