I understand Curling. That high.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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