Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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