....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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