you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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