I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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