Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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