she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
