I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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